Our Little Secret

Printed email, looks like it's from daughter to mother. I left in all the typing mistakes and misspellings:

Subject: you and I and the past !!!
Date: Mon, 10 Jul2000 20:46:20 +0200
Dear Mom,
I just got you latest email. Yes, it stinks that I have the flu and even though it's suppose to cleanse the body, I'm tired of sweating at night and feeling like I've had three glasses of wint during the day. Other than that I don't have any other serious symptoms. I'm eating loads of fruits and vegetables and try to make a warm vegetable soup everyday,
I sort of imagined that you were in the situation that there were things that a mother didn't tell her children. I also remember your stories of being a tour guide in NY, (I still remember the photo of you pointing to a building). I am also aware that the trips to the West and the scuba diving was your initiative. I thought to myself, "she did all these cool things,but what has happened?" Somehow ( I felt) you lost your sense of adventure and that you were hiding your intelligence and wisdom behind something. Maybe it was such a struggle to express them living with Dad that you finally gave up.

I also thought that you loved us kids, but again, this was being hidden. About the draft. I remember when they were considering drafting women for the possible Iran war in the 80s. It was a big discussion over the dinner table, and again you wanted to fight against it. I appreciated the concern, and I thank you for it!

I am really happy that you are are enjoying these very important exchange is Emails. There's nothing more important and "therapeutical" than pulling out old stories from the past, going over them talking to someone you trust about them and focussing on them at another time of one's life. Your stories, your fears, your successes and the experiences you've shared with me have given me a completely different picture of you: more colorful, wiser and intelligent and in some ways you're a much stronger fighter than I. Now, from the emails that you're sending me, I see that you were suppressed in your marriage with Dad and dealing with Jim. Maybe that isn't reason why I'm still single. I have the feeling that the men I date feel threatened by the knowledge and wisdom that I've gathered being single and traveling alot. When they first see my apartment and everything that I've built and done myself, they feel useless.

I don't think that all the suggestions Jim gave about your marriage to Dad are always correct. I believe Jim sees your marriage from a contemporary man's point of view. It is quite obvious that Jim tries to set certain male fears into the two of us that Dad and other men have been doing. I may be wrong but the male world has made you afraid to just use your courage and just go for it.

The sock story proves my theory that logic and not complaining all the time gets the problem solved. Dad actually thinks that HE solved this sock problem and is saved from embarrassement knowing that he (discovered) the socks under the bed and not you.

I am about to dump the guy I'm dating because he thinks he's Mr. "know it all". Every time we carry on a conversation, he always likes to put the last
word in my mouth. My French is not as good as his so it may require a bit of patience. Most of the time, the words he chooses are wrong. Instead of
complaining I told him that each time he did this I would buzz (like when you give the wrong answer at a game show). He sort of half listened to me,
(as know it alls do) and not long after I was buzzing at him putting words in my mouth. We both laughed because we were in supermarket where he worked. The customers rolled thier little shopping carts by to see the two of us talk and I occaissionlly buzzing. This habit can't be changed so I'm gonna dump em.

Of course it's good to reflect back on your path of life and of course share it with others. I'm honoured that this person is me. I won't ever tell Jim and Dave about our little secret. It may be a good idea to store your ideas on discettes so you can read then again like journals. That's what I'm doing.

Well, now I have to be a good girl and good to bed and give this flu a chance.

Enjoy reading and writing. I'll hear from you tomorrow.

love
Patti

Found in "Learn to Remember" by Dominic O'Brien." Published by Chronicle Books, 2000.


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